Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
