well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
