so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
