Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
