dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
