I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
