Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
