Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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