i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
