so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
