Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
