If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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