hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
