I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
