FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
