it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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