im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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