So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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