i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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