we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
