Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
