i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
