I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
