You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just had sex bonerless
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize