Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
