I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
not ubering you a puppy
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
