i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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