He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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