He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
