The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's shark week go big or go home
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
