u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
