There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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