Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Green mimosas i think yes
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
