never play flip cup with pint glasses
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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