does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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