I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
