porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
