Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Everyone says I win the strip club
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
