she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
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Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
please don't ironically join a cult
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