I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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