i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
