I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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