Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
