I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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