You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
