you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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