I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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