I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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