this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
