she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize