do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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