bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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