GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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