omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
