Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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