he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
