We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
