She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
