I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
