You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
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I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
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Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..