Texts From Last Night

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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.

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  (317): Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband. http://tfl.nu/gy79
  Replies (10) Good night (2019) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo

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  (413): Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo http://tfl.nu/r8i0
  Replies (9) Good night (825) Bad night (2437)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.

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  (604): I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary. http://tfl.nu/udpd
  Replies (7) Good night (3830) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.

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  (913): I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body. (402): Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days? (913): Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm. http://tfl.nu/rpz1
  Replies (13) Good night (1587) Bad night (1047)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...

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  (314): I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter... http://tfl.nu/166t
  Replies (36) Good night (2675) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.

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  (504): Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown. http://tfl.nu/w5m1
  Replies (35) Good night (2143) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.

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  (401): apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat. http://tfl.nu/jsnf
  Replies (64) Good night (1074) Bad night (15599)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"

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  (314): My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned" http://tfl.nu/aoz0
  Replies (12) Good night (4369) Bad night (1255)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.

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  (513): Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause. http://tfl.nu/kkfj
  Replies (8) Good night (3528) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent

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  (636): Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent http://tfl.nu/1tsa
  Replies (12) Good night (2061) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished

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  (415): He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished http://tfl.nu/a96t
  Replies (7) Good night (2497) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  How did you make it to work sans hangover?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols

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  (660): How did you make it to work sans hangover? (816): 4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols http://tfl.nu/2csk
  Replies (8) Good night (2019) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.

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  (651): This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease. (507): Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits. http://tfl.nu/blof
  Replies (18) Good night (2816) Bad night (1025)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.

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  (570): You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys. http://tfl.nu/l3j3
  Replies (5) Good night (565) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.

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  (607): Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer. http://tfl.nu/b1r4
  Replies (4) Good night (179) Bad night (295)

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