So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?