I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
