meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?