my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
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So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
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do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.