Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?

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  (978): ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm? http://tfl.nu/7m7e
  Replies (22) Good night (2110) Bad night (4203)
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  (310): View more from California

  totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.

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  (310): totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous. http://tfl.nu/lqpw
  Replies (93) Good night (7357) Bad night (2078)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."

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  (914): Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting." http://tfl.nu/dhfp
  Replies (27) Good night (4249) Bad night (2128)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.

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  (817): you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit. http://tfl.nu/6hvl
  Replies (30) Good night (1161) Bad night (8724)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  wanna hang out tonight and remember it?

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  (717): wanna hang out tonight and remember it? http://tfl.nu/5q3c
  Replies (18) Good night (6281) Bad night (1809)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.

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  (+61): Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme. http://tfl.nu/6yp3
  Replies (14) Good night (2845) Bad night (1344)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show

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  (856): and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show http://tfl.nu/o1xq
  Replies (4) Good night (3220) Bad night (929)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...

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  (509): Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place... http://tfl.nu/dgik
  Replies (6) Good night (1409) Bad night (829)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.

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  (509): Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year. http://tfl.nu/o1qc
  Replies (8) Good night (2073) Bad night (693)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other

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  (703): Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other http://tfl.nu/yr17
  Replies (1) Good night (1447) Bad night (578)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?

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  (919): But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night? http://tfl.nu/eqjw
  Replies (8) Good night (1293) Bad night (515)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.

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  (843): A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's. http://tfl.nu/m6a2
  Replies (2) Good night (567) Bad night (410)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.

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  (908): I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago. http://tfl.nu/reuq
  Replies (2) Good night (688) Bad night (370)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?

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  (502): Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you? http://tfl.nu/752k
  Replies (4) Good night (708) Bad night (344)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it

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  (334): ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it http://tfl.nu/s3kf
  Replies (0) Good night (291) Bad night (117)

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