man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
