so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
