the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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