not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
