I think I am morally bankrupt
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.