So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?