It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
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After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.