What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.