im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.