I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
