I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
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I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.