If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Fuck appropriateness.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
