I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
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Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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