Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
