i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
